Jazzie and Tahlia

Didn't take it too well...

Several of you commented on the look on Jazzie's face in this picture:

This was taken right after Jazzie found out Cera was pregnant. For a while Jazzie just sat there looking a bit bewildered. After a few minutes she started looking sad. She was sitting on Cera's lap at the time and I went over to ask her if she was okay. As soon as I did Jazzie burst out into tears. She did not take the news of Cera's pregnancy too well and is not very happy about it. In fact, the first words out of her mouth after she found out were: "What about the princess room"? Cera and John have a small bedroom in their house that the girls use when they go on sleepovers. Jazzie has known that that particular room would eventually be used as a nursery, but in her mind I am sure she wasn't expecting that to happen for a long, long time.

She cried for a long time. I never expected her to have a reaction like that and I am sure Cera didn't either as she was crying right along with her. John had been video taping the whole scenario from the moment we were given the t-shirts, but at that moment Cera looked at him and told him to stop taping ;-) All of a sudden the situation wasn't the happy situation anymore. It was really quite sad. Jazzie sat on Cera's lap for a LONG time asking ALL kinds of questions:

After at least half an hour (maybe even 45 minutes) of talking to Cera, Jazzie finally got off her lap and she seemed okay again. She played with her cousins some and then went over to her pile of presents. As soon as she saw the t-shirt she started crying again :-(

Cera immediately scooped up Jazzie in her arms and sat with her again. She just kept reminding Jazzie that even though having the baby around will be different, the fact that she is Jazzie's big sister and that she loves her will NEVER change.

I talked with Jazzie later and I know that she is worried that her relationship with Cera is going to change and that Cera won't love her as much anymore. Jazzie adores Cera and she is just worried that with a baby around, there won't be enough room in her life for Jazzie. The good news is that Jazzie has until the end of July to get used to the idea and to learn that Cera's love for her will not go away. There will still be sleepovers and Cera will still do fun things with her.  

To try and cheer Jazzie up I mentioned that the baby might be born on her birthday (July 28) and how much fun it would be to share a birthday. Well, judging from the look on Jazzie's face at that idea, I don't think she would find it fun at all. So Cera, do me a favor and don't have that baby on your sister's birthday, okay? Thank you ;-)

Our gingerbread house

 

Family Christmas and a big surprise :-)

We celebrated Christmas with Matt's family yesterday. We had a great time and it was so nice to have the entire family together. It's what Christmas is really about, after all. Some pictures:

Tahlia and her uncle Tim (I am not sure, but it looks like they are giving me the "loser" sign):

Jazzie and her cousin C.J.:

Jazzie and uncle Mike:

Matt with his parents and siblings:

The kids with Matt's parents:

Alex and cousin Keely:

After all the presents were unwrapped, Cera and John gave Matt, myself, Alex and the girls one more present. She told us all to open it at the same time. I thought it was strange that she would give us all a present now since we are going to see each other again on Christmas day, but didn't really think much else of it. When I opened the box, I saw a t-shirt with the word "oma". For those of you who don't know, Oma is the Dutch word for grandmother. I looked down at Jazzie and saw she had a shirt with "aunt Jazzie" on it and I realized: OMG! Cera is pregnant :-) What a great way of telling us and have the entire family be a part of it...

After the announcement, John unbuttoned his shirt to reveal the t-shirt he had been wearing underneath ;-) Very sneaky!

 

Congratulations, Cera and John!!!!!

First snow

We had the first snow of the season yesterday. Not a lot, but enough for the girls to have a great time. Jazzie in particular, was beyond thrilled!

We are off to celebrate Christmas with Matt's family today. Enjoy your Sunday, everyone!

Class holiday parties

Both girls had their holiday parties at school yesterday. They were so much fun!

Here are some pictures of Jazzie's party:

All the kids came in their pj's and enjoyed a breakfast with pancakes, bacon, bagels and fruit. The bacon was Jazzie's favorite:

 

They made reindeer food with oatmeal and glitter:

They did some crafts and made an ornament:

This project turned out like this (I LOVE it!):

And the kids got their faces painted:

And now for Tahlia's party...

There were crafts:

Cookie decorating (AND eating):

 

Christmas light limbo:

Tahlia and her very energetic teacher:

I love class parties!

Reaching out for my girl

Yesterday, while volunteering at school, I saw the school pshychologist and Jazzie's speech therapist together in a room, so I decided it was a perfect moment to talk to them about Jazzie's negative attitude about her hearing loss and cochlear implants. You might remember from this post that Jazzie has been making some pretty strong statements lately. So, I went in there and explained what has been going on with Jazzie and the speech therapist in particular was shocked about some of the things Jazzie has said. It seems that at least at school, Jazzie's attitude is nothing but positive. I have also talked to Jazzie's teacher about the situation and she has also never seen anything but positive things. I was worried at first that somebody might have said something to Jazzie about her implants or that Jazzie might have found herself in a situation where she couldn't participate because of them. However, that does not seem to be the case. I was disappointed after talking to the school psychologist and speech therapist, because I was hoping that they would give me some advice. I was definitely not expecting the school pshychologist to say: "Let me know if there is anything I can do". Hello?!?! Isn't SHE the expert? Maybe I should have been more specific in asking for help, but I thought it was obvious that I came to her for some help and guidance. I felt like I got nowhere there. Again, maybe I should have been more specific and I might talk to the them again, but this time asking for some specific strategies.

Ohio Valley Voices has been very helpful and just being there is a great thing for Jazzie. I am doing whatever I can to keep our connection to that school strong. Not only because the school has been so amazing for Jazzie, but because Jazzie seems to be so happy to be there and to see her friends from there. It really is helpful for her. Jazzie was invited last night to be part of the school's annual Holiday Program. This was the first year that they invited some of the alumni students to be a part of it. The alumni students were invited early so that they could socialize and have some pizza together before the show started. I think this is a wonderful thing for Jazzie. There was actually only one other student there that she knows; the other kids that were there last night left OVV right as Jazzie started. There was one student in particular that I would like to get to know better for Jazzie's sake. She is a 13 year old girl and I think she would be a great role model for Jazzie. This girl is into sports, does great at school, has lots of friends, dresses in cute clothes, etc.  I don't think Jazzie realized at first that she was deaf, until she took her processor off to change her batteries. Jazzie's face lit up and she came running over to me: "Mom, that girl has an implant just like me!" I think it would be wonderful if there could be some sort of relationship there. I know OVV is working on setting up som a mentoring program for alumni students and I am so excited that there is going to be a summer camp for them next year. I know Jazzie could really benefit from this. She is just so happy whenever she is with her friends from OVV. Here is a picture of Jazzie hanging out with one them, right before the program started:

One more thing; while waiting for everyone to arrive at school last night, Jazzie was standing next to an alumni student who is now in fourth grade. He was talking to everyone and just having a good old time. Jazzie wasn't saying much at the time because she didn't know anybody and she generally gets very quiet in those kind of situations. At one point the boy looks at Jazzie and asks her: "Don't you talk"? Jazzie just nodded "yes", but didn't say anything else. He got a little closer and asked her again: "Can't you talk? What, do you just speak Chinese or something"? This caused Jazzie to roll her eyes at him and say "NO!" On the one hand I thought the whole thing was funny, but on the other hand it gave me some glimpse of what it might be like when Jazzie gets older and kids her age might not be quite as accepting of her and start saying things that might be hurtful or unkind. I know it's coming and I just want my girl to be ready and confident enough to deal with it.

That is why I am reaching out now. To whoever I can.

Friends

While cooking dinner last night Jazzie asked: "Hey mom, do we look alike?" Here is what I saw:

 

Too funny ;-)

 

Tahlia told me earlier today that we need to get Lily a Christmas present. Hmmm, what to get her? A bone, a new leash, a Kong full of peatnut butter, a toy?

I think what Lily will like best this Christmas is a promise to get her out on more walks; even during these colder months. And we are not talking about walks to just the bus stop and back either! 

So more walks it is. The best thing is that they're free, I don't have to stand in line to get them and walks are good for her AND me.

There, another name crossed off my list!

Why wouldn't I?

Why wouldn't everyone?

Monopoly, anyone?

So Jazzie decided to play Monopoly with Lily this morning:

Lily got quite a few properties ;-)

But she kept getting distracted by the pretty lights in the tree:

Tahlia tried to direct her attention back to the game:

In the end, Jazzie won and Lily was bankrupt ;-)

Gotta love such a sweet, loving and loyal friend!

This is why...

... I try to look beyond our basement looking like this most of the time:

 
(I know it may not seem that messy to you, but to me it is.)

This is why the girls have access to all these craft supplies:

 

It's because instead of sitting in front of the tv or computer, they are being creative and making things like this: 

 

Guess who came to dinner?

Jazzie's best friend Sophie came over last night. Her sisters had a basketball game here in town, so Sophie came to have dinner with us and hang out with Jazzie. They were SO happy to be together again. These two really do share such a special bond...

After the girls ate some Wendy's, they were ready to have fun!

So happy to be together :-)

Goofy, goofy girls:

They "allowed" Tahlia to be in one picture during brownie time ;-) 

Time to say goodbye:

They stood and hugged each other like this for a long time:

Jazzie looked really sad after Sophie left and for a while I thought she was going to burst into tears. "I miss her already, mom" is all she could say for several minutes. These two really do have a very special relationship. They are so similar in so many ways and Jazzie is completely happy when she is with Sophie. They called each other Two Peas in a Pod while they were at school together.

The thing is, they really are.

Why?

Why is it that just when I thought Tahlia can't possibly be any cuter, she puts on this pink wig and proves me wrong?

Why is it that I think this lunch bag is adorable, but Jazzie refuses to take it to school because "it is way too embarrassing"?

Why is it that I can't get enough of this movie? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. I just bought myself a copy on blu ray:

Why is that my husband didn't realize you cannot put paper plates with metallic images in the microwave because it will catch on fire?

 
My microwave still smells like smoke! 

Love ya, babe ;-)

Jazzie's holiday wish

Jazzie will often bring home stories and poems she writes at school. I always takes pictures of what she writes so that I don't have to save all the papers. However, every now and then she brings home something that is a keeper. This one deserved a place in my box with special things that the girls have made or written.

(There is a "translation" below in case you have trouble reading it)

 

"My holiday wish is that there is no more wars. Because it is not nice. Plus sometimes lots of people die sometimes and sometimes just a few die and sometimes nobody dies. Sometimes everybody dies. But I hope there is no more wars in the whole wide world. Not even in other countries."

:-)

I love my girl!

How to kill my holiday cheer

I love this time of year; I am surrounded by things that bring me joy.

Like our tree full of ornaments that hold so many memories of our trips, milestones and special occasions:

 

Our China Tree which I see when I am cooking:

The girls' stockings: 

Joy on the wall:

Cozy winter coats (we had the first snowfall of the season this morning):

 

Tahlia's reindeer with a paper chain to count down to Christmas:

Christmas cards are starting to arrive:

 

I get to use the special dishes made by the girls that have been put away since last Christmas:

Ginger bread latte's:

Eggnog in the fridge:

And my trusty little radio playing holiday music in the kitchen:

But this little radio is also able to kill the holiday cheer for me in an instant and that is when that HORRIBLE Christmas Shoes song comes on! It is so depressing...

HATE, HATE, HATE that song! Bah humbug!!!!

Catching up with pictures

I caught Jazzie reading a book to Tahlia before school the other day. So sweet :-)

I found this note on Tahlia's door the other day. I love that she is starting to spell now ;-)

Speaking of notes; I found this when emptying Jazzie's backpack the other day:

 

We put up our Christmas tree a couple of days ago. Don't ask me why my daughter decided she had to be topless to do it:

Jazzie has always loved crafty things. She was beading a necklace the other day and looked so intense:

Tada!

Tickle time with daddy:

The girls went on a sleep-over at Cera's house last night, so Matt and I decided to go and see a movie. We saw The Blind Side. I loved it. A fine tale of how family does not need to be formed by blood. Go and see it; you'll be touched...

Alex is leaving :-(

Alex has been going to culinary school here in town, but has been wanting to transfer to the culinary program at the Art Institute in Chicago. We recently learned that he has been accepted there and that he will start after the holidays.

And even though Chicago is not that far (about a five hour drive from here), we will miss him. We are very happy that he is going to be where he wants to be and we are proud of him for following his dreams, but I will miss having him around. (Alex, who will play Wizard with us now and make me crème brûlée?!?)

But I think what I am most sad about is that the girls won't see their brother as much...

 

 

The good part is that I LOVE Chicago and that we have several friends who live there or who live close enough for us to meet up with them. Karen, Gretchen, Sharie: let's try to plan something this spring/summer!

New header and Christmas card pictures

I just wanted to share some pictures of the girls that I took for our Christmas card. My camera is still giving me fits and instead of saying that I need to take me camera in to get it looked at (like I have been saying for months!), I need to actually go ahead and do it already. The thing is that I do not like to be without my camera, but my pictures are just not as good as I would like them to be. The color and focus is off and no matter what I do with the settings, I can't get them to look right. However, I did end up with several pictures that were good enough for our Christmas card (and for a new blog header as well!). I have shared a few in my last several posts, but here are some more:

 

 

Our "China Tree"

Every year since Jazzie has been home, we have put up a small Christmas tree which we decorate with ornaments that we purchased in China. I tell the girls the tree is in honor or their heritage and their birth parents.

Here are the girls decorating our "China Tree" last night:

 

 

Heartbreaking - part two

Wow, I got a lot of responses after I wrote my post named "heartbreaking". Not only here on the blog, but on Facebook as well. I want to once again all my friends who called, e-mailed or texted me that day. I was quite upset then, didn't really know what to make of all of Jazzie's statements and wasn't really sure how to handle it. Your words of encouragement and support meant a lot to me.

Since then I have had time to think about it some more, I have talked to some other parents of children with cochlear implants and to someone at Jazzie's old school. And even though I still have some concerns, I do feel better. When I talked M. at Jazzie's old school, I was told that she has gotten a lot of phone calls over the years from parents with similar stories. It seems to be pretty typical that children like Jazzie feel the way she does. The interesting part is that M. told me that these kind of issues almost always surface in second grade. Normally you wouldn't see self-esteem/self-worth issues until 5th or 6th grade, but for some reason they appear earlier in kids like Jazzie. Not sure why.

M. and I discussed some ideas as how to help Jazzie through this. And even though Jazzie made some strong statements, I do believe that part of it is just normal, age appropriate behavior. The happy behavior FAR outweighs the issues stemming for being deaf and I do not think I need to go as far as saying that Jazzie's statements were a cry for help, as one commenter stated. I do agree with the same commenter however, that being deaf is not the same as having red hair, as another person commented. Of course we all wish that we could change something about ourselves that we don't like, but you cannot compare having to deal with red hair, or being tall (which I hate myself), etc. with being deaf and having cochlear implants. Jazzie has had to overcome SO much and while yes, she is amazing, she is only 7 years old and that is a lot to deal with.

For now I'll keep doing what I have been doing. I will never judge Jazzie's emotions or put her down for feeling sad or angry about being deaf. I will continue to get her together with other kids who are like her. I will continue working with Ohio Valley Voices for as long as they offer services for her. I will continue to be pro-active and not let any comments and/or behaviors slide. I will continue talking to other parents who have been there. And I will continue loving Jazzie and thinking she is the most amazing girl; just like I always have.

A commenter said: "loving someone a lot does not make problems go away". True, but loving someone does give them the confidence to share their emotions. Growing up, I didn't feel like I could talk to my parents about anything. I'll be damned if I have my daughters grow up the same way.

Thanks again to everyone for all your comments. I appreciate them ALL and they gave me a lot to think about.

Happy Birthday...

to my amazing husband, wonderful father and turkey-carver-extraordinaire ;-)

I love you, babe. 

Just because...

• She's my baby girl.
• She is beautiful.
• She is the most giving girl.
• She wants to please everybody.
• She is funny.
• She loves music.
• She is polite.
• She is full of live

And finally - just because...

• I love her.

Heartbreaking

Jazzie has been talking a lot about the fact that she wishes she wasn't deaf. As she was snuggling with me in bed this morning, she mentioned it again. Here are some of the things she said:

"Being deaf is the worst thing in my life".

"Being deaf is boring".

"Being deaf is such bad luck".

And the one that got me the most:

"I wish I could die and then be born again without being deaf".

I am struggling with finding the right words to respond to these kind of statements. I want her to know that I understand how she feels and that it is okay for her to feel that way. But I also want her to know that I love her exactly the way she is and that I think we are lucky and FAR from boring ;-)

How can I as her mother help her through this? I am struggling...

Imagine

I LOVE the show Glee. It is definitely one of my all time favorite shows. Here is a link to a clip of one of Glee's finest moments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxG1eGlOhMg

Please watch it if you have not seen it. As the mother of a deaf child, this scene touched me deeply and brought me to tears. It spoke to me because I love the song. It spoke to me because I think sign language is a beautiful language. It spoke to me because in this episode you can see that people don't have to be able to hear music; music is in people's heart.

It spoke to me because of Jazzie. My beautiful Jazzie who can hear with her cochlear implants, but who cannot without them. My girl who has been signing since she was 10 months old, but who also has a voice.

I think sign language is beautiful. I think my daughter's voice is beautiful. She has been blessed with both.

We are so lucky...

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

The turkey is in the oven, other preparations are on the way, the girls made their turkey craft and are ready for their cousins to come and hang out with them. We will have a house full of family today and I would not have it any other way.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Who needs Hallmark...

... when I can get a homemade card from my girl?

I love my Jazzie...

 

When she mentions that she loves to teach me handwriting, she is talking about when I help her with her homework. Each week, part of Jazzie's homework is putting her spelling words in alphabetical order. She does not enjoy doing that at all and the only way I can actually have her do it, is by doing it with her and letting her show me how to use perfect handwriting, Hey, it works ;-)

Our houseguest

We are dog sitting this week. Cera and John are on vacation in sunny Aruba, so we have the pleasure of having Kirk around. Since he is still a pup, it is very much like having a baby around the house. We have baby gates up, we can't leave things on the floor or Kirk will get them, and he is not 100% potty trained yet (he has left several surprises for me already). He has gotten better though as the days have gone by. I must admit that it makes me appreciate our own dog Lily (who is so well behaved and who listens so very well) that much more.

The girls love having Kirk around. Lily on the other hand is not so sure. Lily is very non-aggressive and Kirk has a tendency to walk all over her. However, in the last day Lily has finally started to let her dominance known. Not in a bad way, but in a way that lets Kirk know that he is on her turf and that she is the older and more dominant dog.

Kirk is a snuggle bug and likes to hop on your lap for a nap. This is new to me since Lily is too big for my lap (although she doesn't think so). I must say that I actually enjoy having a little dog cuddled up on my lap. Lily on the other hand does not like it all, especially if Matt is holding him. She is fine however with the girls holding him:

 

BFF's

Last night, Jazzie went on a sleep-over at her friend's Sophie's house. Sophie and Jazzie are truly best friends. They went to Ohio Valley Voices together and were paired up throughout their four years there. They are very much alike. They like the same things, they have very similar personalities and simply love each other. Here is a picture of the two of them on graduation night at OVV:

 

Since we live a little over an hour away from each other, Sophie and Jazzie don't see eachother that often anymore. Jazzie still talks about Sophie all the time. She talks about how much fun they used to have, how much they used to giggle and how much she misses her. I hear from Sophie's mom that Sophie feels the same way about Jazzie. We were finally able to pick a date for Jazzie to go and see Sophie. Yesterday was the big day so Jazzie and I drove about halfway to Sophie's house where Sophie and her mom met us. As soon as they saw eachother, it was as if they had not been apart at all. They started giggling and chatting away, just like they always have. 

After chatting with Sophie's mom for a few minutes, I headed home and wondered how Jazzie was going to do on her very first sleep-over at a friend's house. She has been on sleep-overs at Cera's house before, but never anywhere else. Of course she did great and enjoyed every minute of her time with Sophie. Sophie's mom kept me updated during the rest of the day and night by sending me pictures on my phone. Here are few (they are taken with a camera phone, so excuse the poor quality):

 

It made my heart sing to see the smiles on these faces! They were just so happy to be together again.

I picked Jazzie up at 3 o'clock this afternoon. Here are the two of them right before we headed home again:

 
 
All the way home Jazzie chatted about her time with Sophie. They did crafts, watched a movie, set up a tent in Sophie's room and slept in it. Apparently Jazzie and Sophie have decided that they are going to live together when they get older ;-)

Finally, here are some notes that Jazzie brought home, written by Sophie:

Here is a closer view of that last note:

"We can read eachother's lips". I love it!

And I love these two together: